In life, feeling overwhelmed is something we all experience, but its impact on us can be vastly different depending on how we respond. It’s a complex feeling that can trigger our nervous system's fight, flight, or freeze responses. This system, hardwired from ancient survival instincts, becomes active when we perceive a threat. Though it evolved to keep us safe from physical dangers, today it can be triggered by anything that feels overwhelming—from a long to-do list to a difficult conversation. Interestingly, our response to overwhelm often follows one path more than others: flight.
Why is flight the option we seem to choose most when feeling overwhelmed or anxious? And why does avoidance, the modern-day version of flight, ultimately weaken us over time? Let’s take a closer look at how fight, flight, and freeze operate, and why breaking the cycle of avoidance is key to regaining control and confidence in our lives.
The Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response: Our Brain’s Survival Mechanism
The fight, flight, or freeze response is the brain’s way of preparing the body to survive perceived threats. It does so by activating the amygdala, which interprets a situation as dangerous and prompts a series of reactions.
- Fight prepares us to confront the problem directly, taking an active, often physical, approach.
- Flight encourages us to avoid the danger altogether, creating distance between ourselves and the perceived threat.
- Freeze is the body’s attempt to remain motionless, often in situations where we feel trapped or helpless.
These responses are quick and automatic, a survival mechanism that’s worked for centuries to help humans avoid immediate threats. But in today’s world, we’re not facing the same physical dangers; instead, overwhelm often stems from psychological stress. So, when our fight, flight, or freeze response kicks in, it’s not a bear we’re avoiding—it’s our inbox, a work project, or even daily responsibilities. And in many cases, flight becomes the dominant response.
Why Flight (or Avoidance) Becomes Our Default
When faced with anxiety or overwhelming tasks, we tend to choose the "flight" response because it offers temporary relief. By avoiding the issue, we get to sidestep the discomfort, at least momentarily. Avoiding that uncomfortable conversation or putting off a challenging project can make us feel safer in the short term. But while flight may seem like the easiest way to reduce anxiety in the moment, it’s a double-edged sword.
Every time we choose avoidance, we reinforce the idea that we are incapable of facing that situation. By fleeing from our discomfort, we build a mental association: “This is too hard, and I can’t handle it.” Over time, this habit not only weakens our resilience but also solidifies our anxieties, making them feel even more insurmountable.
How Avoidance Strengthens Anxiety and Weakens Us
When we habitually avoid situations that feel overwhelming, we are, in a way, practicing weakness. Our brain learns that avoidance is the only way to cope, and the mere thought of facing the situation becomes more daunting. Here's how avoidance strengthens anxiety over time:
Increased Fear of the Situation: Every time we avoid a task or challenge, we send ourselves a message: "This is too hard for me." Over time, the fear surrounding that task grows larger in our minds, making it feel even more impossible.
Reduced Confidence and Self-Efficacy: Our belief in our ability to handle challenges decreases as we avoid them. The brain learns that it can’t handle discomfort, and our confidence diminishes, reinforcing the cycle of avoidance.
Escalation of Anxiety: Avoidance offers temporary relief but escalates long-term anxiety. What started as an avoidance of one small task can snowball into a larger, more pervasive pattern, where even minor challenges feel unmanageable.
Breaking the Cycle: Choosing Action Over Avoidance
The key to overcoming overwhelm is to break the cycle of avoidance and gradually retrain the brain to choose action, even in small ways. Here are some effective strategies:
Take Small, Manageable Steps: Instead of tackling the entire task, break it into small, achievable steps. The act of completing even a small part of it can help shift your mindset from "I can't" to "I did."
Practice Exposure: Gradual exposure to the situations or tasks that make you feel overwhelmed can lessen their intensity over time. Start with smaller challenges to build your tolerance, slowly working your way up to bigger tasks.
Reframe Failure: Recognize that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re growing. Accepting discomfort as part of the process can help reduce anxiety and reframe your perspective on challenging situations.
Build a Routine of Small Wins: Every time you face a difficult task rather than avoid it, you create a positive feedback loop. Your brain learns that you’re capable of handling challenges, which builds confidence and resilience for future situations.
Practice Self-Compassion: Overcoming avoidance is not about eliminating anxiety; it’s about facing it with kindness toward yourself. By treating your efforts with respect, you create a supportive internal environment, making it easier to tackle challenges with a positive mindset.
Why Action Restores Confidence and Resilience
Choosing action over avoidance rewires your brain’s response to challenges. Instead of feeling that fight, flight, or freeze is inevitable, you can learn to act, even in small ways. Over time, your brain begins to recognize that you are capable, which reduces the automatic response to flee. As you accumulate small successes, the tasks that once seemed overwhelming become manageable, and you grow stronger in the face of adversity.
Embracing the Challenge
Overcoming overwhelm and avoidance is a gradual process that requires patience and practice. By breaking down challenges into smaller steps, embracing discomfort, and choosing action over avoidance, you gradually build confidence and resilience. Remember, each time you face a challenge instead of avoiding it, you reinforce a powerful message: "I can do this." And over time, that simple belief can transform not just how you handle challenges but also how you view yourself.
